Welcome to Coach Notes!

This blog is about communication, leadership, professional development, personal growth, change, the coaching profession and related topics. I will address issues from my perspective as an enthusiastic, experienced professional with a calling to help people and organizations reach their potential. Through my teaching, coaching, consulting and leadership roles I’ve observed how people learn, change and get stuck. Here, I will share what I’m learning (a lifelong process). I hope you’ll find something useful.  Your comments are welcome, or you can email me directly.

Bless the Scrooges and Give Thanks

I wish you a happy, healthy holiday season! If happy healthy wishes seem empty and leave you grumpy, I’ve felt that way, too. As 2009 draws to a close I’m sending extra good wishes to loved ones, friends and colleagues who are anxious, sad or angry because of significant losses. It has been a tough year for many and it’s difficult to express joy to the world when it seems the world is falling apart. However, I prefer to focus on what’s good, especially this time of year.

I’ve been told that my positive attitude can be annoying. What people don’t realize is that I’m dealing with my own assortment of worries. Such is the human condition and I’m far from exempt. I just prefer to face the dragons with a smile.

Especially when I’m not in the best of moods, I’m determined to bless the Scrooges I encounter, such as the scowling woman who almost knocked over my grocery cart yesterday. I’m also committed to being grateful. Counting my blessings makes things better. I’m thankful for recognizing good things and I believe this awareness is one of the best things about growing older (aging is a growth process and is NOT an inevitable deterioration)!

Is business coach training or certification necessary?

(This is a revision of an entry I wrote months ago.) I’m ambivalent about calling myself a coach. This label, like consultant, is loaded; it opens one to criticism and skepticism, much of it justified. Anyone may claim to be a coach. As I commented in my January 14, 2009 post, “buyer beware” is excellent advice. However, well-meaning sources who warn about hiring untrained coaches fail to consider that some of the best coaches were doing outstanding “coaching” work before coach training, universities, or certification existed. Should a highly-educated expert with a track record for coaching excellence go to coach training school? This is a complex question, with no definitive answer. I have chosen not to pursue coaching-specific credentials, and I’ll explain why.

Business communication tip: Change the e-mail subject line

I have a love/hate relationship with e-mail. I appreciate how it simplifies connecting with people, and it enhances responsiveness, at least some of the time. However, it also drives me crazy, because few people use it well. (I’m not suggesting I always use it well!) Clients often ask how they can get e-mail under control. When the “in box” is overwhelming, it’s challenging to track messages, their purpose, and what action is requested of you or the other party. I have a suggestion that will help, especially if you can persuade co-workers to follow your lead: change the subject line! Specifically, craft an informative subject line, so it conveys a clear message. This is the “headline” approach to e-mails.

Seeking professional help? Consider relationship “chemistry.”

Do you need a consultant, coach, attorney, house cleaner, or other source of professional help? You may have better luck choosing the right person by answering questions a matchmaker might ask.  I’m currently interviewing fee-only financial planners. It’s imperative that the person I work with “feels” right, and isn’t turned off when I announce I don’t have millions to invest. Does he seem to like me, anyway? Is she enthusiastic about getting to know me? I can usually tell, within a few minutes of conversation, whether the relationship has potential, based on a feeling of attraction, or positive energy. Could it be that financial planning, coaching, consulting, and other professional partnerships are like dating?

A Monday morning walk and positive self-talk…

“I am alarmed when it happens that I have walked a mile into the woods bodily, without getting there in spirit.”

-  Thoreau

This morning was alarming. The clock radio jolted me awake at 5:10, in the middle of a dream. I was out the door at 5:35, stepping into fog and the sticky central North Carolina air. I woke with grim determination to start the week on a positive note, practicing what I preach to my clients. (I’m lousy at coaching myself, because I ignore most of my advice.)

Like Thoreau, I am disturbed when parts of me are missing during a walk, or during other endeavors. However, during summer slug season in the South, I’m doing well just to get my body moving through the neighborhood. If mind and spirit are elsewhere, perhaps they don’t feel like walking! Nevertheless, today — the beginning of a challenging work week, with many “to dos” before I leave on vacation — felt like an appropriate time for all parts of me to engage in my walk. I decided to give it a try.

Mindfulness and intentional communication: good for your health

Last week, I attended a fascinating presentation by a psychologist and his physician colleague from Duke Integrative Medicine on a favorite topic: mindfulness. Since 1989, when I discovered Ellen Langer’s excellent book on Mindfulness, I’ve attempted to integrate it into my life and work. I’m not so good at it, and wish I could be more consistent, but I know this much: when I begin my day mindfully, everything works better. Sleep, for instance… and my ability to manage interruptions, break-downs, and other challenges. Although the value of mindfulness has been proven to me countless times, like many folks,  I’m more likely to be mindless (i.e., unfocused, unaware of the not-helpful ways I’m thinking or behaving, feeling out of control, stressed, or a victim of circumstances).

The Duke presentation inspired me to PAY ATTENTION to mindfulness again (in fact, that’s what mindfulness is about – attending to the present moment, without a judgmental attitude, with the intention of letting it be what it is). Researchers are documenting positive, health-enhancing changes in brain chemistry, the body, emotions, and behavior as people in all walks of life and states of health learn to reduce stress or pain and improve well being through meditation and other mindful, daily practices.

Courageous communication: admitting mistakes with grace

“Nothing requires more courage than admission of fault.” I saved this quote years ago, and forgot to note the source (oops). Recently, I’m making more than the usual number of silly mistakes, along with a few bigger goofs. I’m trying to be brave when I mess up. I respect people who admit faults responsibly and gracefully. I want to be more like them!

For me, courage means fighting the urge to explain or make excuses (at this moment, I want to list why any human being in my circumstances might be prone to mishaps)! This is one of my greatest communication challenges: acknowledging what happened, then moving on, without getting into reasons. I talk too much when I want to persuade myself and others I was not out of line, or had the best intentions.

Is your net working?

Recently, I facilitated a meeting for a new client and I loved every minute of it. The organization’s mission resonates with me. The employees are smart, dedicated, positive, and working on projects that improve peoples’ lives. Like many speaking, consulting, or coaching gigs, this opportunity originated through networking, with a thoughtful colleague’s recommendation.

It is ordinary enough to meet potential clients or friends through one’s network, but when I consider the breadth, depth, and value of my connections, I am amazed and filled with gratitude. I am not referring to finding old high school or college buddies via popular social networking sites, although that has been interesting and fun. I’m thinking about people I am fortunate to know because someone suggested “you should meet, call, or e-mail Julie.” I’m thinking about others I tracked down because I felt strongly about their contributions as authors, teachers, leaders, and human beings.

High touch or high tech? Choose the best communication channel

As gadgets and applications proliferate, you may feel overwhelmed with communication channel choices for sending or receiving messages. Is it best to text, e-mail, pick up the phone, or have a face-to-face conversation? When should you put it in writing? How will your communication method be perceived by the recipient(s)?

There are no simple answers, but it’s helpful to balance common sense with sensitivity. This rule applies to message content and to the people involved. Below are suggestions I shared with MBA students during a seminar. When I was interacting with this group, I noted that many were using iPhones, Blackberries, or laptops while participating in our discussion. They seemed comfortable managing various channels simultaneously. Recent research suggests that if you are able to integrate high tech and high touch communication methods, as these students did, you may be more effective in meeting your goals. Flexibility and familiarity with multiple tools is a strength.